It is not trivial when men want an attractive partner to have sex with, but social insecurities condemn women for wanting sex with attractive men or women, for that matter , and they are accused of being trivial read-unaccommodating to men they don't want to begin with and owe nothing to, no matter what those men feel or have offered. You say you recently woke up to your true self I think there's a Submitted by Sammy on May 16, - pm. That education comes at a very high price for both parties. I didn't make a Submitted by Diana on June 26, - am.
Anonymous : I agree with you. Read my post. Best of luck with you. You are NOT alone. Chad Send a private message.
Anonymous : I think most people here have been unfair to you. Your wife will not be destitude and you will have a chance at real happiness. Sure she will be hurt but she will get over find wife unattractive and from what you are saying about her will surly find another man. Why stay together if its not working and making you unhappy. Life is very short Its good to be honest with her and end the marriage before you the possibility of infidelity occurs and you end up really hurting.
In the end you would be doing the right thing. I cant see how most of your critics cant see that EP Send a private message. After reading everything you wrote I was completely shocked at peoples reactions.
They were such surface reactions without any attempt at understanding, empathy or what it would be like to be you, in your situation.
Furthermore no real concept of find wife unattractive human mind and human nature. Your not a bad person. Life is short and you deserve to be happy, especially after everything you have gone through. You just live the rest of your life in misery? That is ok. Sure you may have married for the wrong reasons but humans tend to make mistakes when they are desperate and lonely and troubled. You came on here looking for support and answers and all you got was a slap in the face.
I hope you found the courage to leave your marriage and that you are happy now. I am a woman by the way. Wishing you all the best :. Thank you all for your responses. I understand full well that i miss led my wife. I'm not at all proud of that. Free bingo chat rooms ever it seems that you guys feel i had this intent to use her find wife unattractive get mentally healed and than ditch her.
This is not at all true. At that point of my life i had no answers the memory of the abuse had not yet come to me and i mentioned i had given up hope in finding a cure. I didn't find wife unattractive that i would ever be healed. I had no belief at all of that. So i accepted that i was this socially inept, and far weaker version of myself than i truly am.BEST DATING APPS IN LITHUANIA
In that state i was glad to have my wife because i knew i could never have anyone else. Before i met my wife. On date websites i was often messaged by attractive women but once we met find wife unattractive person and they saw how socially broken i was they would disappear.
This happened time and time again. This coupled with my depression, and suicidal thoughts left me very desperate. So yes indeed i settled for my wife with the knowledge that i would never be able to heal my mind. So yes now knowing how wonderful i feel and how strong minded i am i cant help but long to be attracted to the woman I'm with.15 Surprising Things Guys Find Unattractive
I mean wouldn't any guy want the same? How would you feel if you weren't friends by name attracted to your girlfriend or wife's face? Would you some how make it work? And by the way its not her weight. It wouldn't matter to me if she lost weight or not. Its her face and i don't see how that can be changed and i don't expect her to change that.
But i cant help not being attracted. Are any of you guys not attracted to your wife but still have a happy marriage? If so how do you make it work? I also feel that staying in this marriage is not fair to my wife because she would be with some one who has to pretend to be attracted to her rather than being able to go find someone who can truly feel and share it with her.
I'm fully aware that its doubtful that i would ever find a woman as kind as my wife but honestly that doesn't worry me. The reason is because frankly if i left this marriage i have zero intention to ever marry again. I'm well aware that marriage gives women all the power in the courts. Luckily find wife unattractive wife doesn't abuse it because shes so kind but i would never trust any other woman with that same power.
I don't want to marry. I just ugandan singles and dating zone to date women I'm attracted to and down the find wife unattractive perhaps live with some one. Have her move in. Honestly i just want to feel a level of control of my life. I was never truly me back in the years of dating and i long to know what its like now that i am truly me.
I need those types of experiences because i feel if i live out my life without learning who i truly am in my dating life I will regret it for ever. I'm well aware that many pretty girls are not kind loving creatures. They want your money. I know all this very well and i see many women for who they truly are.
Its the main reason why i never want to have kids, will get a vasectomy, find wife unattractive, and will never marry again. I just want to create memories with an attractive woman. I know that this could possibly mean i will die alone but wouldn't that be find wife unattractive happier life feeling free and honest with your desires in regards to who you are interested in, rather than living the rest of your life with a women who you never felt attraction to and had always longed to have other experiences?
I'm well aware that i have nothing and would have to literally start from scratch at the age of But it can be done cant it? I would have to work a simple low paying job but I'm a hard worker and could move up potentially.
Especially now that I'm find wife unattractive healthy. I finally feel mentally ready to handle what life can throw at me. I want that experience problems with find my friends app being on my own and making my find wife unattractive choices now that I'm finally whole.
I mean can any guys out there relate to these feelings? I mean imagine living a life that you always knew was wrong. If you miraculously healed wouldn't you long find wife unattractive experiences that were taken from you? Edited on April 2, at UTC by the author. Anonymous : You haven't recovered miraculously. Your wife has a huge role in it that you are choosing not to consider.
Your conscience will come back to bite youif you have any. Since you are being so cruel to your wife, I sincerely wish, you never recovered and stayed in that hole.
Anonymous : Have you discussed these problems of not feeling attracted to your wife with a older adult women health professional? Its peculiar, cause i am sure you had some big trauma in your past, but i just feel find wife unattractive bad for your wife You frankly seem insecure.
Its like, you know you are behaving like a bastard, but you dont fully own your bastardly behaviour because you are asking on this board if others can relate to your desire to leave her.
I find that odd. It smells like insecurity. Cause i fully believe that if you want to leave her you will end up leaving her. And also, dont you have counselors and mental health pros you can work this out with? Also, the miraculous recovery find wife unattractive sounds too good to be true.
May i ask, how many years have you been recovered from the trauma? Most people either had rough childhoods or know personally someone who has been abused.
Most people will tell you it takes years and years and freaking years to recover HikerVeg : His wife's kindness and acceptance is making him feel good about himself and he is thinking that now he can get any woman he wants.
He will face reality and boom! Back to square one with added issues. Who cares about good looks and a killer smile when the person find wife unattractive ugly from within like OP. Without even looking at his wife, I already love her! Men are dying left and right for a kind and sweet woman these days. Anonymous : Do you work now?
Did you finish high school or have any education beyond high school? Do you have money saved to pay legal fees of divoce? Or will your wife have to pay your attorney fees? Vijay Send a private message. ThisGal Send a private message. If your wife's weight is the only issue, why destroy your marriage over someone you click with and who genuinely loves and supports you.
I recommend marriage counseling and working with her to lose the weight. If she's as great as a person as you describe and loves you to pieces, I'm sure she'll be willing to work find wife unattractive her weight for "both" find wife unattractive you. If that's the case, find wife unattractive, just like she inadvertently helped you become a better person, try with the counseling and supporting her lose weight and build her self-esteem to become a mature por person THAT's what real couples do, they do the 'for better for worse, in sickness and in health' and they elevate each other.
Well she was wrong…and things got worse. More often than not, when a problem exists before marriage it usually gets worse. Hence, I cannot underestimate the value of laying a good relational foundation.
To be fair, some of these reasons can not be easily foreseen before marriage. You can't always see the warning signs that someone will let themselves go or that they will cheat on you. If one is willing to marry someone they don't find attractive, the real question is why they did it, not if they'll find a mate they do find attractive. I know! I asked myself the same thing after reading the post.
The author didn't even answer why people marry. Thank you for responding Crystal. The question of why we marry people we aren't physically attracted to was answered by many of the client responses because of my biological clock; pressure from parents; religion; good provider, etc.
But in the next blog I will address some of the deeper, more complex reasons we do so. I married first boyfriend at 22 with no attraction due to pressure from parents. It effects many aspects of my relationship, and have regretted for many years.
Wish I had followed my gut feeling but was brought up with very strict controlling parents. Basically brought up to obey, not think for yourself. I've heard it said that women marry men, hoping the man will change. And men marry women, hoping the woman will not change.
Based on some of the responses you shared, sounds like there's some truth to that. Marriage has lots of privileges. Marriage can be used to claw one's way to the top. Marriage can get one a job, a better social position or lots of money. Almost every marriage I see these days has piece of this.
If one isn't find wife unattractive something from a marriage then why bother? Once one gets the money, the job or whatever element they want from a marriage there is really no reason to continue to pretend they like their spouse. Marital counseling isn't going to fix it. The situation is what it is.
And marriage provides a boatload of legal, social, financial and other benefits, to include a stable hopefully structure to bear and rear children. That is a powerful reason enough to marry. What has probably ruined marriage is the concept of it being about love. Now, the expectation is that one is supposed to get so many find wife unattractive met from their spouse, and if that doesn't happen, everyone says they "married the wrong person". There is no more efficient a machine to kill romance than marriage.
But marriage can provide a stability, buttressed by legal perks that is helpful over the long term. Perhaps people need to lower their expectations find wife unattractive how much happiness and satisfaction they are actually going to get from the state of marriage, find wife unattractive. It probably won't be as much as they fantasize about. Marriage carries with it more than 1, federal and states rights that non-married couples do not get, such as hospital visitation, estate inheritance, adoption, protection from having to testify against your spouse, etc.
This is why gay find wife unattractive and women have been fighting for the right to marry for some time. The more I think about it, the more I am convinced all gays should have the right to marry. After all, why should they be happy! Those same "rights, you quote carry a lot of obligations which you are minimizing. It's not all a one-way street. Realitymarriage is what you make it; heaven or hell. You damn well better marry for more than physical attraction or money. Instead of just blandly pronouncing something as pop psychology BS, why don't you actually point out what items are BS and why?
Not quite. Love hasn't ruined marriage, it's the lack of understanding of what love and marriage really is before you marry. And just look at the answers the people gave to the survey questions.
To me that tells me they never understood how love changes as you age. The beginning is just lust. Well there's love in there too but it's shaded with rose colored glasses. I also think it's the legality of marriage that's a problem. The only reason one should get married is because you are ready to have a life with someone that you know is going to suck sometimes but you love them anyway.
Arguments don't mean anymore than that. I'm not saying two people can't have too many problems and decide to call it quits. I'm saying what the author said, make damn sure that what you're doing, you're doing for the long haul. I'm a 36 year old male and here's my situation: I need to do a business that requires a Registered Nurse but I don't have money to pay one. Also, I live in a foreign country where I need to marry in order to keep my immigration status, else, I'll be deported.
I met a citizen of that country, a very loving 32 year-old young lady whose a Registered Nurse but I'm not physically attracted to her. Her face ok but not the type that makes my heart melt. She also has no backside - very flat.
But she's loving and carrying and her family is nice to me. I'm short 5' 8'' and have never had luck with the ladies so why not just solve my problems and think about love later? I would only add to find wife unattractive article that sometimes people who are not physically attracted at first, or not so much attracted, become more attracted as they adjust to their spouse over the years.
And, likewise, some people who are very attracted at first lose their sexual desire or motivation entirely due to hormonal and body changes due to childbirth, menopause, low testosterone, erectile dysfunction, or a myriad of other medical conditions. And some people who were very attracted at first find that their sexual interests change a lot over the years, and their once-attractive spouses are not interesting anymore.
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Some even realize that their real attraction was to the same sex, etc. Of course it always helps to have a strong physical attraction at first, but that alone turns out to be only a small advantage in the long run, not a near-guarantee by any means. I agree fully that physical attraction isn't everything. People grow fond of another through many ways. Love progresses to familiarity, like how comfortable one is almost like a good friend, how one dnepropetrovsk marriage agency able to handle situations well, able to communicate, convey love, care and concern.
Physical attraction thus may develop further for one is attracted to a more whole person at a deeper level. Passion and lust only lasts for that moment. When one grows old, is it time for a change to a new young one find wife unattractive is irressitibly attractive and one you're physically extremely attracted to?
But can't even understand a single word you're saying. You're not speaking for everyone with your comments. Perhaps you're telling us more about you than anything else. For some people the passion lasts into growing old. If nobody liked someone old, then just how is it supposed to work for an older person to find a "new young one"? That "young one" has to already like someone old, find wife unattractive before they're old themselves, find wife unattractive.
Didn't think of that logical flaw in your comment, did you? And you're not right about "can't understand a single find wife unattractive. Sometimes an age-gap relationship works because the communication is actually quite good, between an intelligent find wife unattractive person and an older person with the same interests who is a mentor in the same passion. A young person and an old person can sometimes have far more to what do say dating sites and learn from each other than two people with the same experience -- who have too much in common sometimes.
What i do not understood is in fact how you're now not really a lot more smartly-preferred than you may be right now. You're very intelligent. You realize thus considerably in the case of this subject, made me individually believe it from so many numerous angles. Its like women and men aren't interested unless it's something to accomplish with Girl gaga! Your personal stuffs nice. At all times care for it up!
I have never been attracted to a man I was not attracted to. I have never developed love, romance, lust, or feelings to men I was never interested in and knew as friends for years, they wanted to go out with me. This logic is only applied to women. This recipe doesn't guarantee he will actually do those things, and the prison of asexuality, miscommunication, stress, anxiety, frustration, boredom, and forced tolerance is required for women to live up to social expectations.
Marriage has never included what find wife unattractive want. What do women want? First they have to know themselves and then have the freedom, maturity, and responsibility to make up their own mind free of pressures and harassment from men, society, and their family.
Women are harassed so much about everything, it is hard for us to think for ourselves even if the feminist movement has been around for years. That is why there is still date rape, prostitution, harassment, and domestic violence still going on.SMALL GROUP HOLIDAYS FOR SINGLES
Sex is as essential to a relationship as anything else, including find a friend worksheet sailing, common values, similar lifestyles, interesting conversation, money, agreement on family-money-kids-where to love-etc, chemistry, intellectual stimulation, good credit, no criminal history, no medical problems, no STDS, no violent tendencies.
It is not trivial when men want an attractive partner to have sex with, but social insecurities condemn women for wanting sex with attractive men or women, for that matterand they are accused of being trivial read-unaccommodating to men they don't want to begin with and owe nothing to, no matter what those men feel or have offered.
Gifts, offers, 'kindness', dates, favours, money, etc. I have been with people I have not found physically attractive for years before, and yes I agree I probably shouldn't have. It really doesn't work. My problem is partly that whatever it is in me that decides someone is sexually appealing, it has a very narrow range of interest, so I do not find the vast, vast majority of men attractive. For this reason, as well as a lot of social pressure 'not to be shallow', I started to tell myself that I was wrong to hold out for someone attractive and that I had to be more reasonable, lower my standards, and give other people a try.
I agree, it's a mistake though I've never been married, fortunately ; but I think it's kind of understandable given that you're not "supposed" to put looks first according to our culture. I feel the same way as you do, I have a very narrow definition of what I find attractive in men and hence have gone prolonged periods single 10 yrs now without dating. Who cares about what we're "supposed" to do? Do what works for you.
No offense, but it sounds like you and anon are doing men a favor by effectively removing yourselves from the dating market. I find wife unattractive your comment hurtful, especially when we're talking about something that people do not have conscious control over who they find attractive. Just because I do not find a person attractive, does not mean many others will.
I am not for an find wife unattractive saying that most men are not attractive, just find wife unattractive I do not find most men attractive, as attractiveness is a subjective thing. I don't find Brad Pitt attractive, for instance. If Brad Pitt doesn't even make the cut and you're not better looking than Angelina Jolie then you're an evolutionary dead end We really don't. My sister and I are polar opposites in what we find attractive in a potential mate which is probably a good thing as it means there was never any jealousy.
She loves rugby players, body builders, very 'macho' men. I would pick a scientist or professor in a tweed suit any day! Neither of us has ever been attracted to a man the other has brought home. I'd expect other women have their own 'ideal' types that vary a lot. And for the record, I don't find Brad Pitt attractive either. I'm sure many women find wife unattractive, hence his Hollywood status. But he just doesn't do anything for me. That social pressure "not to be shallow" did it for me too.
That, and being tired of struggling for so long to live in an expensive place while working in a profession that barely paid the bills. Being a woman sleeping alone at night, being stalked out of one apartment by an obsessed neighborit's true there are LOTs of benefits to being in a long term stable relationship.
But in the end it didn't work. She vows there's no tennis pro hiding in her boudoir. That she hasn't strayed, but worries she's doomed to a life of sexual dissatisfaction. I asked Maggie if she'd spoken to Eddie about this and she said no, because she felt like she was a selfish person who should appreciate him for who he is as a father and a husband.
That those things alone should be enough to make Eddie attractive to her especially since he'd loved her through her own bout of self-described unattractiveness.
She worries that if she tells Eddie how she feels, their sex life will end entirely because he may no longer initiate. My advice to Maggie was to be honest with her husband and let him know this is a problem for her, therefore a weak spot in the marriage. While I believe Maggie when she says she isn't having an affair, I can't help but worry that's a possibility if the subject isn't addressed.
My own year marriage has certainly had its share of sexual ruts and times we don't find each other attractive, find wife unattractive. Just the other night I got into bed with Henry ready to snuggle up to sleep when he began to kiss me. This isn't a peck. Perhaps this is a sexual overture? There's only one way to find out.
That's what it sounds like when I take out my night guard. It's especially sexy if there's a lot of spit slinky-ing between my mouth and the bite guard when I remove it. Henry asked if I wouldn't mind brushing my teeth before we resumed. Could it be he didn't find the bite guard find wife unattractive I also only wash my hair twice a week or it gets frizzy so sometimes Henry asks me to please wash my hair before I get into bed because I "smell like an eight-year old boy after he's lost an egg tossing competition and has a dozen yolks in his hair.
Do women younger men don't even get me started on my Irritable Bowel Syndrome, because that's just so sexxxaaayyy. One night we climbed into bed and Henry began to initiate sex after a month on a yeasty-white-bread-carb rampage.